“Let’s Do Something Different and Make Things Better”—Interview With Ted Weiss, Stability Leader, Lawyer and Mental Health Advocate

Ted Weiss is on The Stability Network’s board of directors. He is a commercial litigator who has represented some of the nation’s largest public corporations. Over a 20-year period, Ted experienced four episodes of severe depression. He lives with Bipolar 2 Disorder and has been mentally and emotionally stable since 2007.

Now retired, Ted dedicates his time as a mental health advocate. He volunteers with several nonprofit organizations that support people with mental health challenges and seek to break down the prejudice, discrimination and stigma against these conditions. We sat down with Ted to discuss his experiences with the COVID-19 pandemic.

What has been your experience with the COVID-19 pandemic thus far?

When I was going through my severe depressions, dealing with this pandemic would have been a nightmare. Isolation and stress, which the coronavirus has imposed on so many people, are two of the worst things that somebody with depression can experience. My heart goes out to the many people who are struggling right now. But I’m experiencing things a little differently at this point in my life.

At 75, I am at high risk for detrimental outcomes if I were to be infected with the coronavirus. Despite this situation, what the pandemic has revealed to me are all the ways I am fortunate.  For example, all four of my grown children have decided to live in Houston, so we can still see each other in socially distanced ways, and it’s comforting to know that they and my grandchildren are close by.

Relationships with friends old and new have played a much bigger part in my life in recent years, and I am missing the richness that these friendships added. But on the positive side, I love Zoom! While of course it’s not the same as a personal visit, I’ve been able to connect with people I wouldn’t have seen otherwise, like friends from earlier in my life who live in different states, including one person from law school whom I hadn’t seen in 50 years!

Last night, all the members of The Stability Network living in Texas met up on a Zoom call—two of us are in Houston, one in Dallas and one in Austin. This call far exceeded my expectations; the other three on the call had not met each other before, and I had not met all of them in person. It was great to connect. Even after the pandemic is over, I plan to use Zoom regularly.

What I feel most fortunate about, however, is that I’m at a stage in my life where I don’t need to “make a living.” So many people have lost jobs or have experienced reduced hours and pay. A lot of things about being an older person during this pandemic aren’t pleasant, but being in a position where I no longer have to worry about supporting myself and my family is a relief. So many people are doing what they have to do, working from home, managing childcare and classes—it’s very difficult.  

What strategies have you used to manage your mental health over the years?

My depressive episodes were a little unusual. I had several major episodes of very serious depression which required hospitalization, starting at age 28 as a young lawyer at a large law firm here in Houston, and then continuing through my 30s and 40s. Between episodes approximately seven years apart, however, I was completely asymptomatic without medication. That’s the unusual piece.

After the third episode, I started psychotherapy to identify why these cycles were repeating themselves. I had resisted therapy up until that point, which I recognize in retrospect was a foolish decision. I had an outstanding psychiatrist for seven or eight years of intensive therapy, who helped me identify psychological triggers that kicked off the downward spirals of depression.

I eventually learned that I had been misdiagnosed for decades. My diagnosis for many years had been major depressive disorder, but my psychotherapist suggested in the late 1990’s that we try a mood stabilizer, which is a type of medication used to treat Bipolar 2, along with a lower dose of an antidepressant. This new medication made a huge difference, and I continue to take these two medications today. If we think of mental health conditions like other illnesses—which we should—you can say I’ve been “in remission” for ten to 15 years now, using medication as well as recognizing and mitigating psychological triggers.

One thing I’ve started recently that I wish I’d known about when I was younger is contemplation. I sit down for a 20-minute period and start with deep breathing. A couple of chants or mantras that I’ve picked up help me to relax. The remainder of the time I just try to let go of thoughts, feelings and any other distractions that come up. This practice is incredibly challenging for somebody like me, who’s a do-er rather than a be-er. I’ve been taught to focus on my breathing and maintain that state of non-activity. I’ve found contemplation to be beneficial, both physically and spiritually. Ideally, I’d do this practice twice a day, but I usually manage only once.

What encouragement would you give someone who is facing now what you experienced earlier in your life?

It’s important to realize that mental health conditions are treatable and manageable—if people are willing to seek help. Unfortunately, this is where stigma comes in. Many people do not want anyone to know that they have a mental health challenge because of the discrimination around these conditions. In some cases, disclosing a mental health problem can affect people’s careers, dating lives and families. So many people hide it.

In my case, I had no choice because when I had my first episode, I was completely dysfunctional. But for a lot of people, depression can be milder, and they convince themselves they can manage without support. What I wish people realized is that these challenges should not be looked on as some sort of failure of character, behavior or willpower. You would never recommend that someone just manage their diabetes, high blood pressure or cancer by force of will, so why is it different with mental health?

Like managing many chronic illnesses, there are basic things you can do to put yourself in a better position—healthy diet, rest, exercise, stress reduction—all the things that are good for everyone, but particularly important for people with mental health challenges. The important thing is to recognize that while it’s not going to change overnight, you can manage your mental health and recover to lead a productive life.

I’d recommend taking things one day at a time. Or if that seems too challenging, just one minute at a time. The more you can focus on this day, this minute, you can get through it. Depression and anxiety cause time distortions—you get stuck thinking about the past or the future—but if you can remember that right now I’m having a meal, or even taking this bite, then the next bite, that helps to get through. Of course, like all mindfulness, this is easier said than done.

Another thing I’ll say is that things can get better, perhaps in unexpected ways. My life turned out to be dramatically different from what I had planned and expected when I graduated from law school and started my legal career at age 25. While it was challenging—to say the least—to live through several severe depressions accompanied by suicidal thoughts and feelings as well as with hospitalizations, these episodes opened the door to some of the best experiences in my life—helping people who are dealing with symptoms of depression get through and carry on.

The decision to go public with my story at age 60 was very liberating because I no longer had to feel ashamed or guilty. I learned to see a mental health challenge as an illness like other illnesses. Going public freed me psychologically, and I was then able to get involved in various activities like being a facilitator for a support group; giving talks for The Stability Network, the National Alliance on Mental Illness and for groups of other lawyers; and connecting one-on-one with people who are facing a mental health challenge. I strongly believe that giving back has been a big part of the reason I have been stable for a long time.

What do you hope we all take away from this pandemic moving forward?

I hope that our country has gained an appreciation for the things that we have been taking for granted and recognizes the significant advantages that some of us have as opposed to others. The people on the bottom rungs of the socio-economic ladder were struggling before this all started, while many others just continued to go about their lives and not pay that much attention. Now, it’s too obvious to ignore these disparities.

I’m hopeful, though time will tell, that we will come to terms with the disparities in opportunities and wealth that exist, and that we will do something about it. I’m not just talking about charitable contributions, but rather doing something substantive in terms of education, healthcare and housing. Improved mental health services is a perfect example of what we could do to help people left behind in our society through no fault of their own.  These are the types of things that most of us take for granted.   

I am also hopeful that the combination of these circumstances and protests against racial discrimination will cause people to realize that one fundamental thing we need to change is systemic racism. As the economy moves out of COVID mode, we’ll have the opportunity to deal with some of the problems around White privilege and class privileges that need to be addressed.

Of course, I have to be realistic as well as optimistic. We may not learn anything; we may not improve at all. But there are opportunities right now, and I’m hoping that because we have been hit so hard by this combination of circumstances, maybe the majority of people are not going to want to just go back where we were before. Instead, we’ll say, “let’s do something different and make things better.”