I Visited A Gay Men’s Retreat Center—Here’s What Happened

BY KYLE ELLIOTT

Earlier this year, I hesitantly signed up to attend the International Gay Coaches Conference. The conference was being hosted at Easton Mountain by The Gay Coaches Alliance. I quickly completed a Google search to learn more about this Upstate New York retreat center I had just agreed to visit, and the first result was the center’s website. Easton Mountain was described as, “a community, retreat center, and sanctuary created by gay men as a gift to the world.” The description felt… ambitious.

This would be my first time visiting a retreat center, let alone one for gay men on the opposite side of the country. I was incredibly nervous to spend four days in rural New York with 35 fellow gay men, with limited cellphone signal, and no Starbucks. At 29 years old, I was going to be one of the youngest attendees at the conference. I was also the Pre-Conference Institute speaker, so all eyes would be on me as I set the tone for the conference’s theme: Waking Up — Coaching For A More Conscious World.

I used the 12+-hour trip from Santa Barbara, California to bucolic Greenwich, New York — which included car service, two flights, and a Lyft ride — to mentally prepare for the experience. Candidly, I expected the conference and retreat center to be fueled by gay stereotypes — cliques, drama, gossip, and surface-level conversations. I could not have been more wrong.

My Experience At A Gay Retreat Center

Upon arriving at Easton Mountain, I was immediately greeted by my fellow conference attendees, who were equally nervous and excited. Their friendly faces and open arms calmed my anxiety as I located the center’s coffee supply, met my roommate, and settled into my new home for the next four days.

As I previously wrote in an article for The Mighty, there are few places in life where I feel a real sense of inclusion and belonging, so it’s difficult to put into words how positively the conference and retreat impacted my mental health and life. Nonetheless, I will try.

Easton Mountain is a special place in and of itself. An hour’s drive from Albany, New York, the center sits on 175 tree-covered acres. I woke to birds chirping, experienced the most beautiful sunsets, and could clearly see the stars at night. The center staff and volunteers created an atmosphere that encouraged and inspired me to show up as my whole self. Simply put, Easton Mountain was the most welcoming and inclusive space I have ever experienced.

Add to this 35 gay men joining forces for a global coach’s conference, and you have an unstoppable combination. From the opening ritual of “claiming our space at the fireside,” to a live performance by gay country music singer Brian Falduto and his band, I constantly felt a sense of belonging and freedom at Easton Mountain. As a queer person, this is a difficult feeling to find — and an even more difficult one to keep.

I don’t want to sound cliché, but I can confidently say Easton Mountain transformed my life. I developed meaningful relationships with gay men who unconditionally loved and accepted me. I also rekindled my desire to continue my work as a career coach. My life will never be the same. Ninety-six hours of unqualified acceptance changes you.

I experienced a watershed moment at the conference’s closing ceremony. The center’s executive director, Harry Faddis, proclaimed that there is a gay agenda, and the gay agenda is “to change the world.” These four words helped answer a lofty question I had brought with me to my retreat: What is the purpose of life?

Beyond helping answer this existential question, the retreat reminded me that I am in control of my mental health and recovery. As a recovering careeraholic living with multiple mental health conditions, I often forget to make time for fun and self-care. Although I am getting better, the conference nudged me to intentionally carve out more time for rest and relaxation.

The retreat also showed me how much I craved community, and not just any community, but one composed of gay men with similar backgrounds and lived experiences. Up until this retreat, I had never realized the lack of gay men in my life, and upon arriving back in Santa Barbara, I found myself longing for more community. I am now actively creating my own version of Easton Mountain here at home.

This was my first visit to a gay men’s retreat center, but it definitely will not be my last. I already have next year’s International Gay Coaches Conference at Easton Mountain on my calendar.

---

Kyle Elliott is the founder and career coach behind CaffeinatedKyle.com. His goal is simple – to help people find jobs they LOVE (or at least tolerate). As a queer person, male sexual assault survivor, and someone living with mental health conditions, Kyle is proud to have the opportunity to use his voice and platform to help others share their stories, get help, and achieve recovery. He is an official member of the invitation-only Forbes Coaches Council, a member of the Gay Coaches Alliance, and a Certified Health Education Specialist (CHES). You can connect with Kyle at CaffeinatedKyle.com or on Instagram @CaffeinatedKyle.