How I Learned To Cope With Existential Anxiety

BY DR. KYLE ELLIOTT

“What’s the meaning of life?” I spent the last year wrestling with this question, which often struck me in the evening after a long day of work.

I’d get stuck in rumination loops that felt like a faucet on full blast, which made it incredibly difficult to focus on anything other than the existential anxiety.

Because I live with multiple mental health conditions and know that recovery is a process and a journey, I was ready to do the work.

While it wasn’t easy, and I still experience bouts of existential anxiety, I no longer endure severe panic attacks, and I don’t find myself awake at 3 AM questioning the meaning of life.

How I Learned To Cope With Existential Anxiety

Here’s how I learned to cope with my existential anxiety:

Tapped into my spiritual side.

One of the first steps I took to begin managing my existential anxiety was exploring my relationship with spirituality. Although I’ve been in mental health therapy for more than a decade, I only recently began tapping into my spirituality.

As part of this process, I hired a spiritual director I met at a gay coaches conference last year. The conference was the first time I had heard of spiritual coaching, and the timing was serendipitous as I was beginning to wrestle with feelings of existential anxiety and craved an expert’s perspective on how to manage these new feelings.

Spiritual direction has provided me with an opportunity to not only learn about various religions, spiritualities, and practices but also about the relationship I want to have with them.

It has also provided me a space to deepen my sense of self, often in ways I never imagined, like my relationship with nature.

Developed a regular mindfulness practice.

I’ve also developed a more regular mindfulness and meditation practice that has helped me better manage my stress and existential anxiety.

Until recently, I had never been big on meditation, as my mind often raced when I attempted to meditate. This changed when I experienced a severe panic episode last year that mimicked a heart attack.

I started with mindful breathing, a simple yet powerful technique I learned in spiritual coaching. It’s been a year since taking up breath work, and I’m still in awe each time my breath rapidly calms my anxiety, whom I have named “Mr. Peanut.”

Inspired by an industry colleague and friend, I’ve developed an “if/then” mindfulness routine: If a client reschedules a call, then I walk, meditate, or nap. As a recovering workaholic, it felt strange at first to not dive into emails whenever I had free time, yet I now look forward to my mindfulness moments.

Leaned into activities that give my life purpose.

Throughout this process, I also dove deeper into those activities that, beyond my career coaching business, gave my life purpose.

This included spending additional time with my family and friends. As a Disneyland Magic Key Holder, I took many trips with my partner, J.V., to “The Happiest Place on Earth.”

After finishing my doctorate program, which was my primary hobby for the last several years, I intentionally set out to make additional local friends.

I also had the honor of completing the Living Proof Advocacy coaching certification as part of becoming an inaugural speaker coach for The Stability Network, which fueled my soul.

Shared my story with those around me.

Speaking of seeking out activities that give my life meaning, I wouldn’t have been able to cope with my existential anxiety without sharing my experience with others.

My therapist Stephanie encouraged me to ask those close to me how they’ve approached questions like, “What’s the purpose of life?” These conversations not only helped me to feel less alone but also resulted in a lot of food for thought.

A particularly meaningful resource that stemmed from these conversations was The Kybalion. Although I’m still wrapping my head around the book’s teachings, it has really calmed my anxiety.

And of course, I’m writing this blog about my experience, as I’ve always found solace and relief in sharing my story.

If you’re struggling with existential anxiety, I want to know you’re not alone, and it gets better. You’ve got this!

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Kyle Elliott is the founder and career coach behind CaffeinatedKyle.com. His goal is simple – to help people find jobs they LOVE (or at least tolerate). As a queer person, male sexual assault survivor, and someone living with mental health conditions, Kyle is proud to have the opportunity to use his voice and platform to help others share their stories, get help, and achieve recovery. He is an official member of the invitation-only Forbes Coaches Council, a member of the Gay Coaches Alliance, and a Certified Health Education Specialist (CHES). You can connect with Kyle at CaffeinatedKyle.com or on Instagram @CaffeinatedKyle.